A Time to … Part II

I have previously blogged about the fact that I felt it was appropriate for me to wear trousers in work and generally smarten up my appearance to match more with the manager part of my role at the college.

Well there have been some significant changes at the college – and my role has now changed slightly.

My decision to wear trousers and smarten up was because it was appropriate for someone in my role to have a smart appearance. My new role in the college still demands that I  should present a smart appearance to our internal and external customers. But my new role also requires me to be more of a hands on practical technician – and in a building where the heating always appears to be on full –  and with my build probably consisting of more “insulation” than it should – Trousers simply aren’t appropriate all of the time.

So when its appropriate I will wear shorts. When its appropriate I will wear trousers. When it appropriate I will put on my new shirt/trousers/shoes that I recently bought with the help of my personal shopper (thanks Bro !)

So always good weather for shorts … still not entirely accurate for me in work. But in my new role shorts are going to be appropriate far more often.

But…

What a stressful few weeks this has been.

If you are one of the few people who actually reads and notices what my on-line identity has been spewing out recently you may have picked up that there has been some quite big and stressful changes going on at work. As I write this some of those changes are finally out in the open – some more will be released on Monday (I am writing this late on Saturday night but wont publish it till probably Tuesday).

I have had to scale back on my blogging / tweeting / facebooking – as the things I wanted to talk about I either wasn’t allowed to, or it wouldn’t have been appropriate to. That’s been quite hard. Rightly or wrongly some of my emotional support comes through these somewhat tenuous electronic relationships. But as I blogged about how it was appropriate for me now to wear trousers in work, it wasnt appropriate for me to talk about these things publicaly. Some of it I wont/cant talk about. In fact I am sure some people will think that me even talking about this at all isn’t appropriate. But hopefully what I blog about here is appropriate. This is my personal blog – in a public place. What I write are my personal thoughts and feelings filtered for public viewing.

When this all kicked off at the start of term – I blogged about how it was really obvious to me that God was carrying me through and providing me with a complete sense of peace. I also talked about how I was trying to keep my hands up – in God’s Hands – during times when it was so very easy to grab on to the nearest thing around me that I felt would provide refuge and safety.

I cant claim to have managed to keep my hands up all the time. I tried. I managed it for more that I thought I would.

I cant claim to have allowed that peace to continue to give me comfort and strength. I tried. But there were certainly quite a few dark days.

But…

I am still very aware that the ever changing God that I don’t deserve to have a relationship with – was (and is) with me.

I am very aware of God’s hand on my shoulder. It has given me comfort, strength, guidance and the occasional firm squeeze when I needed it.

I started this process with a real chance of not having a job by Christmas. But I found out on Wednesday that I am part of a new technical support team at work so I get to continue to have a job. To work in the place I am really excited to be. My job will change – it will expand into areas that I have wanted to support for some time. Some of my existing responsibilities will pass on to a new post above me – but that will give me the capacity to focus on my newly expanded role and to hopefully develop other things that I wouldn’t have had the chance to.

Unfortunately this is all coloured by the fact that one of my colleagues isn’t part of this new team. All the worries and stresses that I have spent the first half of this term trying to put to the back of my mind – are all now painful realities to him. I am hopeful that the painful change in his life will be at the bottom end of the scale and that he will find a solution that will financially and personally work for him.

It is all very hard.

The next few months was always going to be an exciting / busy / challenging time for me in work. The necessary changes at work will result in a team that is better equipped to support the expanding technical operations. In the short term its going to be … interesting ….

But…

By Easter next year I will be the Senior Technician in a leading academic institution. I will have had the opportunity to equip two state of the art venues, the wider £22 million development and to be part of the commissioning process prior to opening. I will have developed new skills, put in place new systems and expanded our technical support across the college.

It will, I suspect, be a rollercoaster of a ride. Its a ride I am looking forward to. Standing in the aparently endless queue for the past few weeks has been painful. The price of entry has been almost unbearable. But the ride promises to be a good one. I will try to keep my hands up.  I am sure many around me will think I am a nutter for not holding on to the safety harness – and I am sure there will be times when I will make a grab for it.

But…

I will try to keep my hands up.

Hold on to the God in whom I put my trust in.

I am trying to live my life in His hands. I am human so I will make mistakes. I don’t claim to be perfect -far from it.

But…

I am trying not to live a life full of imperfections. I am trying to reflect the God in whom I put my trust. I know I do that poorly a lot of the time. To those of you who have seen that reflection through me un-clearly or not at all and to my God who deserves my all but so rarely gets it – I am sorry more than words can express. My prayer is that my actions both public and private will help to start to clear up the reflected Light of the God in whom I put my trust. I don’t deserve for that light to even flash across me for a second – but only through His grace – not my actions – can I bask in that light. I need to reflect that Light better.

I will hold my hands up

Hold on to the God in whom I put my trust in.

A time to …

A time to live
A time to die

A time to love
A time to cry

A time to rest
A time to run

About this time 13 or so years ago I made a decision that changed my outlook on life and also how people view me.

I decided that conforming to what people expect – just to be “normal” wasn’t important to me. I wanted to be happy with who I was and not present a false image of myself to my friends around me.

So I started wearing shorts all year round.

I know that probably sounds daft – but to me it really was that important. I finally had enough self confidence in who I was that I didn’t feel the need to follow the norm and conform to what people expected. It was liberating. Wearing shorts all year round has become much more than .. well wearing shorts. It has become part of who I am – my confidence and character are rooted within that decision 13 or so years ago that I wanted to wear what I felt most comfortable wearing.

A time to wear shorts
A time to wear trousers

Now most of my friends from that time are memories. Some are friends on Facebook. I have gained new friends along the way – who I guess only really know the shorts wearing version of me.

I have been thinking for sometime that my external image no longer lines up with who I am in work.

I am a manager in a very successful organisation. I make decisions that have wide ranging impacts across all areas. I deal with clients internal and external who expect a manager – not a scruffy techie in shorts.

So from Monday I will be wearing trousers in work. My image should match my job.

To my colleagues and customers, internal and external I will hopefully be Matt “Chief Technician” Rogerson

To my friends I will always be Matt “That slightly odd bloke who wears shorts” Rogerson

In work at least – there is no weather – so “always good weather for shorts” no longer applies.

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