And Then There Were 3 – Epilogue

Well its been a while – both blogging and this topic.

Wanted to write a little bit – an epilogue. Actually its is probably not quite the right title as I have previously said that there isn’t really and end to this – its always going to be a part of who I am. But it seamed fitting – and the only other title was a bit long and not very complementary about the NHS ….

Anyway …

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And Then There Were 3 – One Page At A Time

Its been a week or so since I wrote the last part of this. I feel I need to write 2 more post and then I think this collections of posts will be done – back to “normal service” …

Its funny how numbers have become important – specifically the number 1.

After we found out Jack had died everything became about the 1st

1st time we went to bed knowing he had died
1st time we went to be just the 3 of us
1st time we spoke to our families
1st time we saw our friends
1st time Em ate mayo after getting pregnant
1st week after we found out he had died completed

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And Then There Were 3 – Turning the page

Its now been a few sleeps since that lonely night. So many people have said so many lovely things. So many people have done so many lovely things for us. So many people have been lost for words but just let us know there were thinking of us – and that was enough.

I do wonder if @ this point it is easier to be me than you?

There is nothing you can say to make this any easier for me. But there is a massive pressure to “make things better” and to “say the right thing”. I dont think there is anything people can say to make things better. Thats not to put down those that have tried. It just an observation. Just knowing people are there is enough.

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And Then There Were 3 – “The Good, The Bad and the Paperwork”

Before I start – dont think for a second I am saying that I think that he died because God wanted it. I dont know if I’m theologically correct in this – but I dont feel that God went “ok time for you to go”. But in all the other things we have clearly seen God @ work. We are comforted and strengthened by that. If you are not a Christian – you probably gave up reading this already and have skipped to the end for the summary. I guess it may come across as someone deluding themselves to hide from the grief – but for me – I am sure that God exists and he is looking out for me and my family. I dont understand why our baby died but I do know that God has clearly showed his presence to Me and Em in the events surrounding his death. Anyway rambling – must get on.

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And Then There Were 3

Last week we found out we lost our baby

He (we don’t know if it was a “he” but that what both our guts think he was) would have been 17 weeks in to his time growing in Em last week. But the doctors think that the scan shows he dies around 4 weeks ago. He would have been just over 13 weeks old.

We are obviously desperately sad

I don’t think that sadness will ever go away – I dont think that’s a bad thing. Its just something you learn to live with. It become part of who you are. He would have been a part of our lives and changed them – so I dont see a problem with the fact of his death (there I said it) will affect us as well.

I know its probably sound a bit cheesy (I was going to say “cleshed” but as you can see I cant spell it ..) but I we have both really seen God in this. I wanted to write a bit about – partially because God has been so obvious I feel it is important to write about it but also I want to write things down before I forget the little details that make up this important story in my life.

I am going to break this down in to bits – its turning in to a mammoth post! – Click here for the Next Part

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