I appear to want to blog when there is change. Maybe this blog should be “only a blog about change” !!
I am currently in work 15 hours away from finding out what the new structure of the team that I work with will be.
If you are from work either staff or student – PLEASE don’t be alarmed by this – I honestly can say that myself and my team will be ensuring that whatever the outcome of these next few days you will continue to have our focus and determination to deliver the best possible service with the time, staff and resources we have. I am confident that whatever happens the quality of the service the college provides will continue. So yep change is unsettling but please don’t let that distract you from whatever you “normally” do at college.
We were told today that basically big change is coming – some of it ain’t going to be nice – you will find out tomorrow.
I will be honest here. That kinda sucked.
I am not going to publicly debate here the rights and wrongs of that – much as I would like to -this is a public document and that level of discussion wouldn’t be appropriate here. Whatever the rights and wrongs about that statement – hearing it can be summed up as .. sucky …
We have known change was coming for my team, in some format, since the start of the summer. But we are now sitting on the cusp of a much wider change that will affect many more people. In this current financial climate it shouldn’t be much of a surprise really – but as I am sure those of you who have been through a similar process – its not nice. Everything and anything is up for change and generally people don’t like change – especially when they don’t know what that change will be.
But I don’t want to whine about this – as really oddly I am feeling positive.
Honestly I think that is only through the grace of God. I have no right to be relaxed. I have no right to be peaceful. I have no right to be positive. I should be reacting the way I see many of my colleges. But for me, inexplicably, I am genuinely “ok”. I woke up this morning feeling more relaxed than I have for months. At lunch I sat in Starbucks enjoying my coffee – not done that .. well ever – I don’t usually “do” lunch at work – too busy!
I know people are praying for me. I know that for me God is real and I am giving the credit for me being able to function, hopefully be a support to my team, totally to Him. I have no right to be able to function at this level with this amount of potential uncertainty – as a pessimist I should be a quivering wreck. But im not.
Genuinely whatever the outcome tomorrow – I know that God has been looking after me so far – and whatever happens he will look after me through that as well. As I discovered last year life can be horribly hard sometimes – that doesn’t mean God has abandoned me or is punishing me. Life sucks – we live in an imperfect world a world where God can “only” stand and watch as we have the free will to make decisions with or without His help.
I am confident that He is helping me through
I am confident that even though I have let go of his hand more often than I would like to admit He will still grab it when I reach out.
I guess some of you will call that faith
Some of you will call it naive stupidity
Me? I just call him Father – He guides and protects me even though he knows who I really am. I don’t deserve that.
But sill he holds out his hand.