Well its been a while – both blogging and this topic.
Wanted to write a little bit – an epilogue. Actually its is probably not quite the right title as I have previously said that there isn’t really and end to this – its always going to be a part of who I am. But it seamed fitting – and the only other title was a bit long and not very complementary about the NHS ….
In the couple of weeks a lot of the emotions that we were feeling when we lost our baby last year came back to the surface. Nine months after we had said goodbye and after a heroic quest carried out by our wonderful GP – we have finally got the post-mortem report back.
Don’t worry I’m not going to go in to details – that wouldn’t be right for you to read or for me to post. But I just wanted to write down a couple of things so that when I come back to this in years to come – It will help me remember my thoughts and feelings – and also for those of you that provided such great support during that difficult time I wanted to add this little epilogue for you.
The report itself was done within a week of us saying goodbye – the official write up done a couple of weeks later. For reasons that we don’t understand – that 4 page report that so much hung on remained undelivered until this month… NINE Months later. I am not going to dwell on this – but how on EARTH does it take NINE months post a report ….
The understandably clinically detailed report contained 2 important bit of information for us:
- There is no medical reason that we need to be worried about why he died.
- He was a He
Both of those little nuggets are important for different reasons – but it is wonderful to finally “know” and to be able to move forward “officially” informed.
Once again I am a sad – for the loss of a life that could have been. For an addition to our family that right now would probably be producing great joy, little sleep and even stinkier nappies than Amy.
But that’s not what happened – but that’s ok. I know that God is looking after my family – I don’t necessarily understand where He is taking us – But I am more than happy to let Him continue to guide us along.
Life is Hard – but its also Beautiful, Joyful, Peaceful and whole dictionary full of other positive things that I am trying to concentrate on.
I’m not there yet – but I’m working on it
And so to finish – well as it still makes me smile every time I see it – here is the only applicable picture – except this time its a little less fictional:
Our Baby Boy – Jack Incredible
10 April 2010 at 2:03 pm
Touching to hear…our love and prayers are with the 3 of you xxx
23 April 2010 at 10:49 pm
Very moved reading of your journey through this dark valley. I’m reminded of what Job said when faced with terrible loss: “The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised.” So glad that’s your experience, and that God is still very real and very near to you. May that ever be true.