I think this will be my last post in this series. Obviously future posts will refer back to this and be affected by it – but this will be my last in this series.
As this is the last – I wanted to write a little bit about pictures. My brain works in pictures – that’s how I process and remember things.
In the limbo land as we were waiting for the physical side of things to happen we thought a lot about pictures. I am not talking about the hang on the wall pictures – but the hang in your brain pictures, the snapshots of life that get stuck in your brain. The images that bring back memories and feelings , good and bad.
We were very aware that as we waited there were a number of images of Jack and his desperately short life, that we could get stuck in our brains. Most were not happy ones. All were powerful and emotive. Most were focussed on the end of his short life.
We didn’t want those to be the lasting images hanging on the walls in our heads.
So we made and active decision to remember Jack as he appeared in the only “real” picture we have. His 13 week scan pictures. Probably he died only a few days after they were taken. But that’s not the emotion I am trying to hang with the picture.
I remember being in the hospital and feeling a little put out as we were not going to have a scan (they are optional) But the care we received on that day was a bit rubbish and we didn’t want to cause more problems so we sat in line for our scan. It would be our 1st as we didn’t have any with Amy.
It was such a happy moment
Em was delighted to see a happy health baby – she wasn’t sick for no reason !!!
I was delighted to hear them declare “got a good strong heart”
Amy’s eyes were filled with wonder and joy as she say the moving images of the “baby in mummy’s tummy” moving around on screen kicking its legs.
So that’s how we choose to remember Jack.
We have his picture on the fridge at the moment – to help cement that images in to our minds.
We will find a more permanent home somewhere, at some point.
The rest of my blog is full of pictures of Amy – obviously that’s not going to happen with Jack. I dont want to put on here the picture of Jack – its a bit too personal. Seams odd to say that on a blog where I have expressed my feelings and thoughts so openly. But that’s how it is. I hope you can understand.
Also this blog has been so sad I feel it needs to finish on a lighter note – one that better sums up where I am now and where I am heading. So here is my final closing image – Jack Jack from the Incredibles.
Jack Incredible to give him his proper name.